Published by Margot Torossian on May 2, 2025
(Even in the middle of a mess, a memory, or a moment in bed)
It started with a text I shouldn’t have answered.
I was sitting on the edge of my bed, phone in hand, stomach tight. He had messaged: “You around tonight?”
No context. No warmth. Just that familiar little hook. I didn’t want to go. My body said no. My heart said no.
But I said yes.
Because sometimes, saying yes feels easier than sitting with loneliness.
Later that night, I came home feeling numb and a little ashamed. I stood in the bathroom, staring at myself in the mirror, full of regret. And right then, something unexpected happened.
I heard a quiet thought in the back of my mind:
What would someone who truly loves themselves do… right now?
That One Question Changed Everything
I didn’t know the perfect answer. But I knew this:
Someone who loves themselves wouldn’t punish themselves for a mistake.
They wouldn’t spiral in shame.
They would probably take a deep breath, wash their face, and make themselves a cup of tea.
They would speak gently to themselves. They would soften, not harden.
So I did those things. Not to fix anything. Not to feel instantly amazing.
Just to be kind and loving to myself.
That night, I learned something big:
Self-love isn’t something you earn after doing everything “right.”
It’s something you practice, in tiny, courageous choices, especially when you feel messy, ashamed, or unsure.
And it’s available at any moment you choose to ask the right question.
This Is the Habit That Can Change Your Life
Here’s the truth most of us were never taught:
You can build a totally new relationship with yourself just by practicing one simple habit:
In any moment of stress, confusion, insecurity, or vulnerability, or even better: in every situation you have a choice, pause and ask:
“What would someone who loves themselves do right now?”
Ask it:
- When you’re about to answer a late-night text that doesn’t sit right.
- When you’re getting undressed and feel a wave of self-judgment.
- When you’re sharing a moment with a partner and your mind starts drifting into negative thoughts or disconnection.
- When you feel like you need to “perform” but your heart craves your attention inward.
- When you’re choosing what to eat, say, wear, or allow.
Every situation becomes a moment of choice.
Not about being perfect. Not about doing what you “should.”
But about choosing what nourishes your well-being—physically, emotionally, and relationally.
I’ve adjusted the language to be in line with your preferences while maintaining the core message. Does this feel more aligned with your approach?
Note: This story is a fictional vignette, created to illustrate common emotional experiences around physical connection and self-worth. While inspired by themes many people face, it is not a reflection of my personal life.
If you need extra help, I’m here to support you.
Schedule a session with me today or learn more about me and why I do this work.
Call or email me if you would like to connect.
Margot Torossian, MHC
📍 Inspire Counseling Center
911 Church St., Evanston, IL 60201
📩 margot.torossian@inspirecounselingcenter.com
📞 (847) 919-9096 ext. 1
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